(Dis)quiet

I almost cried last night, overwhelmed and exhausted, laying in my bed staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling.
I didn't, though.
I've only cried once in Cape Town, and it was right in the middle/end of September when the days seemingly stretched on endlessly and I thought I'd never find my way.
Those feelings are long gone.
I used to cry a lot. It's my way of cleansing. But during the past few years I've seemed to stop doing that. Part of me wishes I could just have a good cry sometimes, followed by a hot bath and heavy sleep.
But maybe that part of me is just wishing for a hot bath and heavy sleep.

I'm ready.
There are no words to describe the feeling I have now.
I've put off leaving - I always do. There is still a large mountain of things to do spread before me, around me, and I'm not sure if I'll get to all of them before I leave.
The most important is the District Six museum. I want to buy little things, of course, little flags and stuff, but I'm warning you ahead of time that I'm not going to be bringing much home with me. When I think of Cape Town, I don't think of the mass-produced wooden spoons with carved giraffes. I think of other stuff entirely.
So, it's been decided that you'll each get something else. We'll explain it later.


Last night, there was a discussion. It was like being six all over again. I sat in the corner and tried to mind my own business while the argument occurred. There was no escape. I read the news on my phone and tried to be as engrossed as I possibly could in the North Korea situation. In the end, I had to jump in as mediator, but it was futile, just like all mediation attempts. No understanding was reached, there were tears (not mine), and all wasn't well when we all retreated to our separate bedrooms for sleep that didn't come.

Again, I'm tired. I feel it pulling at the bottoms of my eyelids, pressing into the tops of my cheeks. I'm desperate for rest. I want to pile pillows all around me and jump into a nest of blankets. I want to pull all the shades closed and sleep for a week. And I plan on it.

Applications will be made, but there's a glitch in the process at the moment. I can't apply until I have a working phone number, which might be just as well. I can have a few days to breathe before the application process begins, although there's an opening at the Colorado Blvd store that I'm quite eager to fill. Nervous energy is coursing through me.